There are just some things in life worth sharing...Enjoy!
i feel like im leading into that moment :P its a big moment, but its that moment thats bigger than me! #blessed
I’ve dated many guys in my past and each one taught me something about myself. Taught me that I needed to be patient, understanding, kind, and most of all true to who I am as a person. There was one moment in my life that I was head over heels for this one kid, I say kid because he literally was, and he had this charm about him that I had never met in a guy. To my surprise, he was into me…but the thing was…he was still caught up with his ex…ALTHOUGH, I caution people in getting into something with someone who has feelings still for their ex, I still went for it. Knowing that I was going to be 100% with myself and show this guy that there’s something better…and that was me. It didn’t work out unfortunately, but I was proud of myself in the end because I knew I did everything in my power to give LOVE the way I would want someone to give LOVE to me. I went on my way with my head up high and he went back to his ex. As much as I was a little bit disappointed, I couldn’t beat myself up for something that was not in my control. I was 100 with myself and I was proud of that.
There was a time where I was dating this guy and he wanted me to be with him every second and every hour of every day. Which I didn’t mind at first, but it got to the point where if I left his side that he would think I didn’t love him anymore. He always questioned me and pushed my buttons. He would try to catch my “bluff” or try to set me up to make me look like I was lying. Its funny because there are many guys I’ve dated that felt I was lying or hiding something from them or that I was just a player. Its funny because I am far from that and I always had to prove to them that they were my one and only…even at that…it didn’t matter because they would bring up BS, throw shade at me, bring this and that on my court, and get me so mad. Sometimes I had to be the bigger person and just stay calm because the other person was doing enough damage for both of us. Although there were moments where I lashed back. I’ve learned enough about patience, trust, and integrity. I just don’t think the people I date or get with know what that is when getting with me.
There were also moments where I was into a guy because they were sooo handsome. I mean gaddd I have some great track records with guys if I say so myself. I mean FIONEEE. lol, but the only thing was…they had nothing going for them…or they just didn’t know how to carry a conversation. You know…they had the body, but no brains…or they had the body and brains but they were arrogant as FUCKK! I’m a sucker for attractive guys, but I know that when I have an attractive guy on my jock that I gotta be cautious. Not because I don’t trust them off the bat, but because attractive guys have this attitude that they can get ANYBODY and ANYONE that they please. I don’t even need to go into detail, you know when you spot one…so am I already assuming and stereotyping a person…yeah…but thats just being real right? Funny thing is…thats how guys see me. LOL I find it SOOOOOO funny that guys think I have a line of folks trying to get at me and be with me. I find it funny that guys think that I’m a fucking snob or a bitch…I find it funny that guys feel like they can’t trust me. To those I say, FUCKK OFF lol.
Being single…well thats the best time in someones life especially after being in a relationship because you realize how much more free time you have to yourself. There might be the occasional flirting here and there with guys, but you’re not tied to them. Being single is the best because you get to do whatever the fuck you want. PLUS…you can save up money. LOL. I’m at a point in my life where OF COURSE I would love to be with someone again…but really, I can hold my own and carry myself by myself until that time comes. I got so much to be grateful for in my life. I have an amazing life…that a boyfriend would just be the cherry on top. I have my shit together, unfortunately I can’t say the same for the guys that holler. lol. Being single…I’m ok with it. I’m finally getting used to it…its nice. But don’t get me wrong, that moment where you wish you had someone can hit you real hard…real hard…
Experience. Dream. Risk. Close your eyes, jump, and enjoy the free fall. Choose exhilaration over predictability. Choose growth over comfort. Choose potential over safety. Wake up to the magic of life.
Make friends with your intuition. Trust your gut. Discover the beauty of uncertainty. Know yourself fully before you make promises to others. Make lots of mistakes so that you will know how to discern what you truly need.
Learn when to hold on and when to let go. Love hard and often and without reservation. Seek knowledge. Open yourself to possibility. Keep your heart honest, your head high, and your spirit free. Embrace your darkness along with your light. Be wrong every once in a while, and be okay with it.
Awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments. Live the truth no matter what the cost. Own your reality without apology. See goodness in the world. Be Bold. Be Fierce. Be grateful. Be wild, crazy, and gloriously free.
Go now and add more life to your years. Here are few ways to do just that:
We are addicted to our thoughts.
We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.
Your thoughts today create your life tomorrow. Here are twelve destructive thoughts to flush out of your mind.
Don’t forget, when you stop doing the wrong things, the right things eventually catch you.
So make sure you’re not…
The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money. Start building real wealth today by doing the following:
I do most of these …but need to be more consistent
The day may have 24 hours of equivalent length but every hour is not created equal. Beginning the day with a purpose and a plan increases your chances of success.
In her book What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast, Laura Vanderkam writes, “Seizing your mornings is the equivalent of that sound financial advice to pay yourself first. If you wait until the end of the month to save what you have left, there will be nothing left over. Likewise, if you wait until the end of the day to do meaningful but not urgent things like exercise, pray, read, ponder how to advance your career or grow your organization, or truly give your family your best, it probably won’t happen.”
Here are 11 smart ways to start your day. I would suggest that the most successful people do the majority of these things during the first couple hours of their morning as part of their daily routine.
This morning I was hit with an unexpected $173 withdraw from my chase account. Yeah, its only $20 more than I expected to pay for my student loan this month, but still – that $20 could have gone to gas, food, or other expenses. Graduating from college comes with a huge cost and if you have loan after loan like I do, stress and regret are going to be my new best friends. Unlike my friends, I had to take out loans because my family couldn’t afford to send me to college. Luckily I had grants, but with tuition on the rise and the cost of living up as well, it just wasn’t enough to pay for college.
I look back and wonder what I could have done to prevent myself from taking out so many loans, but then I realized that the loans I took out, part of it when towards helping my family survive during some financial hardships. So I can’t be mad about what occurred, I mean it helped me get where I am today. I guess I’m just frustrated with the fact that my earnings from my job are going to repaying these damn loans.
I live on my own and pay rent, utilities, phone, internet, and gas on my own. If I’m lucky, I can ask my family to get me groceries. Most of my paycheck goes to bills and the rest go on food. It would be nice if I could take trips or buy new clothes for myself, but honestly all those are just luxury things that I can’t afford to spend. I want to save money, but I barely can save. Adulthood has a price and no one could have ever prepared me for this.
What I know for certain is that I am grateful, I am grateful that I have a degree to show for all this. I have a great job that helps me get by each month. When all is said and done…I have a great life.
Like Blue Scholars, I know it’s a struggle and I’m supposed to sweat.
So I’ve finally graduated…
Thanks for reminding me
SONG: Seek Bromance - Avicii
I had somewhat of a meltdown at work today. No, I didn’t bust out cursing at the world while running down the hall screaming, “The end is near!” I probably would be blogging about a different topic today entitled “How I lost my job”. No, it was a different sort of meltdown, one that I am all too familiar with, especially during my college years. You would think after graduating college, you kind of settle down and the stress load isn’t as high as before…well this is half true. YES, I’m settled down and I don’t have much to stress about, but right now I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
Its become more of a routine – I wake up, barely get to work, eat, do work, eat, gmail chat, go on my phone, wait until 4, go home, eat, watch some tv on the internet, workout or run, jo, listen to music, then go to bed and start the whole damn thing over. There are some instances where I actually get to hang out with friends and catch up, or hang with the bf and play video games, or just…well you know. But other than that, I feel as though as my life right now is sitting idle and as I sit I ask myself: “WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?”
I am turning 26 this year, I’ve graduated college, I live on my own, I have a car, I have a great job with benefits, I have a boyfriend, I have great friends, I have great roomies, I have a supportive loving family, and God is good…so why do I still feel like something is missing?
I was talking to Lena, Vince, and Sherwin about how I was feeling and I went through the motions of what it might be. Could it be that I need to find a new job? Maybe I need to get a new hobby, maybe I should go back to youtube? Maybe I should pick up playing an instrument or sport? Maybe I should get back to drawing? Ooh writing? Yeah I love writing…and even though I’ve identified what it “might” be, the hard part right now is actually feeling motivated to get there and do something.
For example, the reason I stopped youtube was because I felt it was becoming more a job than a hobby. It’s not fun anymore (don’t get me wrong I loved TGIF, but I just felt the fun being drained from it), and I feel like my viewers aren’t the same viewers that I used to enjoy reading comments from. I still enjoy random folks emailing me about being gay and how to do this and that, THAT I love to do all day everyday without feeling bored. So I guess – helping people? Helping people is something that is lacking from my life…I’m lacking purpose.
During my college career, I felt like I was always busy and I had a purpose. I was busy with school, PACE, being a TA, lesson plans, graduation, relationships, adventures, late night studying, event after event. I joked with Vince saying that I just miss college…he said I was half kidding. But to be honest, I hated that stress…even though I was much skinner when I was. I guess, I need to find something that can keep me occupied and have a purpose along with it.
Mmmmm…I might be over thinking this too. I don’t often get like this, not anymore at least, I’m pretty much sure of what I need to do and when…I guess I am just in a funk and I need to get out of it. Maybe I feel like this because for 8 hours M-F, I’m sitting at a desk, typing away, obtaining benefits for patients, typing away, bored out of my efffing mind (it’s a easy job that pays well though).
I thought about it a few weeks back, maybe I just need to go back to basics and just write. I enjoy writing – I always have. Its that one space that I feel I can eloquently speak without having to edit the way I say it or the way I look when saying it. Its free, it’s a fast, its easy.
So heres the starting point. I’m back to basics…we’ll see where this takes me.