There are just some things in life worth sharing...Enjoy!
You: OMG you're...
Me: Oh please dont...
You: You're that guy from youtube...ilikejoaquin!!!!
You: Yeah, I used to watch your videos
DONT CALL IT A COMEBACK
SONG: Seek Bromance - Avicii
I had somewhat of a meltdown at work today. No, I didn’t bust out cursing at the world while running down the hall screaming, “The end is near!” I probably would be blogging about a different topic today entitled “How I lost my job”. No, it was a different sort of meltdown, one that I am all too familiar with, especially during my college years. You would think after graduating college, you kind of settle down and the stress load isn’t as high as before…well this is half true. YES, I’m settled down and I don’t have much to stress about, but right now I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
Its become more of a routine – I wake up, barely get to work, eat, do work, eat, gmail chat, go on my phone, wait until 4, go home, eat, watch some tv on the internet, workout or run, jo, listen to music, then go to bed and start the whole damn thing over. There are some instances where I actually get to hang out with friends and catch up, or hang with the bf and play video games, or just…well you know. But other than that, I feel as though as my life right now is sitting idle and as I sit I ask myself: “WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?”
I am turning 26 this year, I’ve graduated college, I live on my own, I have a car, I have a great job with benefits, I have a boyfriend, I have great friends, I have great roomies, I have a supportive loving family, and God is good…so why do I still feel like something is missing?
I was talking to Lena, Vince, and Sherwin about how I was feeling and I went through the motions of what it might be. Could it be that I need to find a new job? Maybe I need to get a new hobby, maybe I should go back to youtube? Maybe I should pick up playing an instrument or sport? Maybe I should get back to drawing? Ooh writing? Yeah I love writing…and even though I’ve identified what it “might” be, the hard part right now is actually feeling motivated to get there and do something.
For example, the reason I stopped youtube was because I felt it was becoming more a job than a hobby. It’s not fun anymore (don’t get me wrong I loved TGIF, but I just felt the fun being drained from it), and I feel like my viewers aren’t the same viewers that I used to enjoy reading comments from. I still enjoy random folks emailing me about being gay and how to do this and that, THAT I love to do all day everyday without feeling bored. So I guess – helping people? Helping people is something that is lacking from my life…I’m lacking purpose.
During my college career, I felt like I was always busy and I had a purpose. I was busy with school, PACE, being a TA, lesson plans, graduation, relationships, adventures, late night studying, event after event. I joked with Vince saying that I just miss college…he said I was half kidding. But to be honest, I hated that stress…even though I was much skinner when I was. I guess, I need to find something that can keep me occupied and have a purpose along with it.
Mmmmm…I might be over thinking this too. I don’t often get like this, not anymore at least, I’m pretty much sure of what I need to do and when…I guess I am just in a funk and I need to get out of it. Maybe I feel like this because for 8 hours M-F, I’m sitting at a desk, typing away, obtaining benefits for patients, typing away, bored out of my efffing mind (it’s a easy job that pays well though).
I thought about it a few weeks back, maybe I just need to go back to basics and just write. I enjoy writing – I always have. Its that one space that I feel I can eloquently speak without having to edit the way I say it or the way I look when saying it. Its free, it’s a fast, its easy.
So heres the starting point. I’m back to basics…we’ll see where this takes me.