THE BEST GAY STORY EVER!

During college I had experienced good and bad relationships. I had some good ones, but I had a dozen really bad ones (I’m not even exaggerating lol). I learned some valuable lessons that stuck with me after a break up.

Be 100 with yourself, the word LOVE shouldn’t be held back, and its okay to argue - its healthy. But the one important lesson I learned quickly and something that is important to realize early in a relationship is…being in a relationship doesn’t require one to ALWAYS be next to their boyfriend 24/7.

My first “boyfriend” was long distance. By long distance I mean all the way across the US, Maryland to be exact. At 16, there weren’t outlets like myspace, downelink, youtube, or even tumblr to meet other gay guys. You know what we had - AIM, findapix, and xanga lol. Anyway, I don’t recall how it came to be, but we ended up being together even though he was miles and miles away. Though we never saw each other (until years later in college), the feeling of being loved and someone loving you back was all worth the relationship. Even though we never touched, kissed, or had sex, that connection was the base of our relationship. Looking back at it now and knowing all that I do - it was a little bit naive of me, however it worked. This experience taught me first had what it means to love someone even if that meant not being physically next to them.

In college, I met this guy who was the same age as me, was attending school for graphic design, and who had a really cute British accent. The first time we hung out it was cute, he told his friends, “I really like this one.” And soon enough, we became exclusive. However, it came with a price. We argued a lot in the beginning because he had his doubts about me, trust issues, and whatever crazy things you can think of to start a fight. It was so stressful on my end because I felt misunderstood and I felt the guy wasn’t really seeing me for me. At the time, I was the only one who had a car and the dude lived all the way in Emeryville. YOU KNOW HOW FAR THAT IS FROM SF? Shoot. The point is, I wanted to see him every time that I could even though he was far. I spent a lot of time over at his place, to the point where I felt like I lived there. Even my friends began to notice my absence and felt like they missing out in my life. So I lessened the time I went across the bay, but what came after resulted in some crazy as shit. The dude felt as though I didn’t love him anymore, that I didn’t care, and started to get all paranoid. I started to break out on my face because he stressed me out so much. So I had to break it off. The moral of that relationship was, the guy didn’t trust in what we had established and wanted us to be together EVERY DAY. We didn’t have a chance to really miss each other and unfortunately he didn’t see it that way. I learned once again that you don’t need to be next to someone ALL the time to prove to someone you care or you love them. You should already feel and know that they are down for you.

After that relationship, I started to question some things…why I was alone, why I did what I did, or if what I did was wrong. But I was reassured that I being co-dependent on someone else for your happiness is not healthy and that you need to be able to stand alone in a relationship. They aren’t your everything, rather they are a part of a bigger picture. I soon realized that it wasn’t just happening to me. I saw this unhealthy relationship with my best friend at the time. He would always be with his girlfriend and vice versa. It felt more mandatory than pleasure to be with each other. You could also see it. The conversation seemed to go something like,

“Hey babe what do you wanna do?”

“Mmmm I don’t know. Just stay with me”

“Oh, well can I hang out with my friends…”

“Oh I’m not invited? They’re my friends too.”

“Oh…well…okay yeah lets all hang out then.”

It was sort of annoying because instead of me wanting to hang out with my best friend, I felt obligated to hang out with him and his girlfriend. Which I didn’t mind because she was my friend too, but it was like DAMN can I get some one on one time with my friend? That’s when you start to ask yourself, does this person depend on me too much for their happiness? I could go on and on about this story, but point is, I wasn’t the only one who experience the “PACKAGE” deal. Meaning you can’t just get one - you have to get both. Which I told myself, I never want to be in a relationship like that. Its not me and I don’t like it. You hanging out with other friends or being out without your significant other doesn’t mean that you don’t care - it just means that you both live two different lives even before you two found each other, so keep it that way. But don’t get it twisted with cupcaking/cuddling/monthasries/important dates - sometimes you just wanna be with that person because its important or you haven’t spent much time with each other. In relationships, I feel like its important to BREATHE, instead of being suffocated by another.

When it comes to relationships, I really feel like there needs to be a balance. A balance of wanting to be with that person and not being with that person. If ones relationship is strong, then you don’t need to always be with one another and its okay to keep two separate lives. Again, you just have to have an open dialogue with your significant other before you get it twisted. Take it from me, I know a thing or two about this stuff.

Try to miss each other, rather than get tired of seeing their face everyday lol. Just being 100!