iLIKEJOAQUIN

its been 6 months since my last relationship ended and its been 2 months since ive actually been intimate with another dude. a month since ive actually worked out. and over 2-3 years since ive actually written a poem. what does this all mean?

before i get to that, i personally think destiny is real - destiny might even be god. i definitely believe in god and i know that he has a plan for me. 2012 was really rough on me and as much as i didnt think it was, looking back at where i was a year ago and looking at where i am now…damn…what a fucking changed.

so getting back to what this all means. 

i am happy.

i am sincerely happy with where i am in my life. a huge factor is me taking the time to just love myself and do the things that i want to do. sure i have moments where i wished i had someone, but reality kiccks in and i realize i have too much priorities on my plate to have a dude distract me. a quick fuck, a quickie, a whatever - shit that gets old quick and that shit is something i been there done that type of deal…im an adult and i know my steps are ordered.

even though i havent worked out in a month, i know where i am right now. i know what steps to take to maintain my weight. and im just comfortable in my own skin - and i will not let anyone tell me otherwise. you got a problem with the way i look, thats all on you boo. at the end of the day - spending my every living moment in a gym, losing weight, and gaining muscle - thats not fulfilling…thats boring to me. i truly believe i will fall in love with a man that doesnt see me as muscles and abs…but a man who will see me for my true character. 

ive been able to focus my attention to my friends and family and over the course of 6 months ive grown to realize what i was missing. ive worked hard to maintain these bonds and i plan to continue that in the future because no man is worth dropping everyone thats been there for you from the get. 

lastly, ive been slowly getting my creative juices flowing and its an amazing feeling - remembering what it feels like to be inspired and what moves me. been going to performances and talking to different people…its crazy…but that destiny i was talking about…all these things ive discussed…theyve all connected me to this moment now…

my time is coming…it may not have been last year…but i know where i am right now is where im supposed to be. big things are going to happen this year…i just feel it…my man, my body, my relationships with others, my passions…

im blessed.

I know its a few days a early, but I can’t help but feel 25 and blessed. Although my idea to get a new car this weekend didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, I was still able to figure out how a plan to fix my current car. I mean damn, it has a new engine, some new tires, and all that really needs to be fixed are the doors and the noise below my car. By the end of this year - I’ll have that all fixed. Shit its cheaper than getting a new car as my sister advised me. She also put into my head the idea that since I my loans will be differed because I’m going back to school, that money I will be saving will end up saving me close to $7000 in 2 years…UHH that sold me! So NEW CAR is def. on pause.

Last night, we went shopping for a tv for my apt, my sister and my brothers bday gifts to me. Its an LG ‘32 inch LCD HD blah blah…LMAO no joke you should a seen me when my bro (who’s been working for Fry’s Electronics) was telling me all the specs and shit. He was also asking me if I had a cable blah blah and I was like HUH hahaha all I want is a tv damnit! Anyway, in addition to the TV, he gave me his old Blu Ray player and his Playstation 2!!! I got all my childhood games that I played with this morning and packed it up! hahah. Earlier that night I was so determined to get an xbox, but they were like remember you’re going to Vegas. I did my pouty face and acted like a kid saying…”NO I WANT IT NOW!” Ugh…what a brat lol.

Anyway, today we’re going up to my apt so they can set up my Tv and thangs then go to my bday dinner. Then when we get back I’m headed off to Terris Bday shindig :) YEE.

I dunno…when I look at what I’ve accomplished in my 25 years…I can say I’m truly (have been) blessed.